The World Has Gone BiPolar

It’s funny.  I spent YEARS chasing the mysterious mythical reason for my depression, anger, bitterness, etc.  I searched in vain as I the downward spiral of denial and repression sucked me in.  I was diagnosed as ADD, BiPolar, Generalized Anxiety Disorder — you name it, I treated it.  However, when you are treating the symptoms rather than root issue you can end up making things a lot worse.

Since I came out to myself, and then started coming out to family and friends, all of the emotional struggles started to disappear.  For the first time in forever I started to feel normal and stable.  I could think clearly.  I could form whole sentences.  My confidence came back.  My extroverted self began to re-emerge. I desired to interact with and engage my kids.  It was amazing really.  I remember walking into my therapists office one week after my “man in the mirror” coming out event.  She said she couldn’t believe how different my behavior and demeanor was.

Now, I’m in a different phase.  Whereas before I was spinning round and round so quickly I could never seem to get my bearing straight, now I seem to be standing still and those in the world around me have started spinning.  It is a very odd feeling.  I’m seeing my loved ones begin to deal with my gayness like I did for many years.  They are going through periods of acceptance, anger, denial, guilt — the whole gamut.  I know that this is normal.  I just have to be careful to stay grounded in truth and not get pulled into their orbit of crazy.  🙂

Advertisements

3 responses to “The World Has Gone BiPolar

  1. Naming the beast is half the battle. So it has been said. the Truth is the only thing that will set us free. And how amazing the power of denial is. Glad you’re on the road.

    I’ll bet there will be quite a few bumps in the road ahead. But handling them as the real you will be strengthening.
    Prayers ascend.

  2. I understand what you are saying. In retrospect I realize I was an angry person. My oldest son even said to me one time: “why are you so angry all the time?”. As soon as I came out to myself the anger evaporated. I just don’t feel angry anymore. It’s a great feeling! Glad you’re sharing your journey with us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s