It’s funny. I spent YEARS chasing the mysterious mythical reason for my depression, anger, bitterness, etc. I searched in vain as I the downward spiral of denial and repression sucked me in. I was diagnosed as ADD, BiPolar, Generalized Anxiety Disorder — you name it, I treated it. However, when you are treating the symptoms rather than root issue you can end up making things a lot worse.
Since I came out to myself, and then started coming out to family and friends, all of the emotional struggles started to disappear. For the first time in forever I started to feel normal and stable. I could think clearly. I could form whole sentences. My confidence came back. My extroverted self began to re-emerge. I desired to interact with and engage my kids. It was amazing really. I remember walking into my therapists office one week after my “man in the mirror” coming out event. She said she couldn’t believe how different my behavior and demeanor was.
Now, I’m in a different phase. Whereas before I was spinning round and round so quickly I could never seem to get my bearing straight, now I seem to be standing still and those in the world around me have started spinning. It is a very odd feeling. I’m seeing my loved ones begin to deal with my gayness like I did for many years. They are going through periods of acceptance, anger, denial, guilt — the whole gamut. I know that this is normal. I just have to be careful to stay grounded in truth and not get pulled into their orbit of crazy. 🙂