Pain

My wife left today with the kids. It is so hard to believe that only a month after I came out, my entire life has so radically changed. I will be heading to Georgia soon, but the thought that I’ll never live in the same house as my kids is ripping me in two.

I hate this, I really hate it. It is so unfair and cruel in so many levels. It makes me mad I just couldn’t keep faking it. It makes me mad that my wife wouldn’t even give us a week to process this together. It makes me mad that God would allow something like this to happen.

This just hurts so bad. It is horrible. I pray that no one else has to experience this.

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5 responses to “Pain

  1. How do you hold a boy who has gotten a soccer ball full in the face and doesn’t want to cry?

    “O God, teach us so to hold one another in thought, word, and deed, that we may find we are always held by Thee.”

    It will get better. Lots better.

    I have love for you if you will let it in.

    I am sorry if I have said the ‘wrong thing;’ I think it is better to risk that than go by on the other side of the road, never recognizing you, never acknowledging your pain. Howl your anguish at the moon — I honor you!

  2. Hugs Man!

    I know it doesn’t feel good or seem fair right now but it will get better and your kids still love you. This is the start of a wonderful new journey for them too and through your leadership you will be able to show them tolerance, grace, courage, etc, just to name a few.

    Yes, it will be different than you were used to and it might be harder for you but there are ways that you can stay connected with them. I’ve arranged a “coffee date” at least once a week with each (individually) of my three sons (ages 13-20). It’s a new tradition and they not only expect it now, they look forward to it. Plus, I take every opportunity to go to movies with them, have them over on weekends, etc.

    My BF and I have taken them camping. We’ve gone on “Brady Bunch” hikes (his kids and mine). We do things with them whenever we can.

    I honestly think I have a better relationship with my kids now than when I lived with their mother and them.

    All the best!

    Mike

  3. Buddy, it hurts and hurts bad! Let it hurt, howl and cry and beat your fists on the floor. It feels like the end, but it is not. Hang in with the hurt – it will lessen. Prayers ascend.

  4. I don’t know if I can write anything that will make you feel better. I never married and don’t have children. There was a point in my life when I was completely miserable. I wanted to die. I couldn’t relate the world around me. Then I finally accepted I was gay and began the long process of coming out. I found my people. My life took on a new meaning and I was happy for the first time in many years. Coming out didn’t solve all my problems but it did open up a whole new world. Fast forward thirty years and I’ve been in a relationship for nineteen years. We’re both professionally successful and have a good life. Our families are supportive but that wasn’t always the case. I know you’re going through a rough patch but as corny as it sounds, it will get better. It may not always be fun and games but things will improve.

    • Thanks for the kind words. On the whole, I’m doing very well. I welcome the tears. I went nearly 18 years without them. I know things will continue to get better…it is just the stuff surrounding my kids that is so hard.

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